SUFC

Welcome to the legends section of SUFC. This section is intended for previous glamour boys to keep us up to date with where they are in the world and what they have been getting up to. To have something placed in the section please get let us know via the contacts us page.

Also, details of all Legends Day progress and photos of previous days will appear here.

Name – Sergeant Scott Bartholomew Birse
Nicknames – Birsey, Sergeant, Percy, Fat Goalie.
SUFC 2002 -2008

The Sergeant is one of the elite band of boys from the North of Scotland that managed to forge a great relationship with all of the boys in the team. Birse started off as a hideously overweight goalkeeper before he was sent to fat camp by his desperate parents in an attempt to wean him off chocolate and fulfil his destiny as an international dancer and model. This succeeded and a quiet, slightly more slender Birsey started out as a quiet Private at right back with a fantastically bouffant hair cut before graduating through the ranks to Sergeant playing in various positions for the 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd teams. Birse is more akin to an energiser bunny than any other player to have played for the Clyde. I mean why make constructive runs when you can run everywhere all of the time. Birsey was never one that you could accuse of being composed on the ball, loving to swing his foot at the ball when even under the slightest pressure. Scott was later reinvented as a less than prolific striker in one of the darkest years of University football. Despite this Birsey picked up a BUSA medal, excelling in the away trips to Exeter and Newcastle in particular.

The Sergeant did however have more of a predatory instinct for the ladies (and gents) until he snared the lovely Jenny (stealing her away from one of his best mates) and hasn’t looked back since, and the doubts over his sexuality have since diminished .......(pause)........NOT! . The Sarge, was also a keen model and even appeared in a local Fisherman's magazine (you guess the content without me explaining it). Unfortunately Scott's modelling career was cut short as he became beset with grey hairs half way through his University career. Despite desperate attempts to dye his hair, Scott regularly overdid it and came away with a purple rinse.

When the Sarge was not on the pitch he was a keen pester of patrons in nightclubs and would regularly be seen dancing on many a dance floors with his patented moves of the paintbrush, the snorkel and the Birsey face slide. Before Birse left he handed the baton on to the young Corporal Roxburgh who can now be seen emulating his hero in local nightspots of Glasgow.

When last sighted in his native Aberdeenshire, Birse was noticed as having a larger than expected midriff amid calls of him putting on the beef. This is not surprising as when he lived with Mark Docherty he discovered the stockpile of Hob Nobs a mythical creature known only as "Fat Doc" had built up, and promptly ate them all.

Richard Shade
SUFC 2002-2006
Nicknames - Chico, Shadey, Ricky

Richard Shade was an integral member of the famous 2nd team of 2003-2004, a first pick in the right midfield berth in which he terrorised defenders throughout Glasgow with his directness, pace and tenacity. A model professional, never one to overdo it on nights out and always willing to train hard to be the best he could.
Richard took this dedication to new levels in 2005, when the plucky hopeful signed up for ITV's "The X Factor" under his stage name "Chico". The rest as they say is history, with Chico capturing the hearts of the nation with his cheeky nature and million dollar smile.

"I had the time of my life on The X Factor," chuckles Chico. "It was a rollercoaster of emotions. It was exhilarating, amazing and fantastically Chico-tastic! By the time I left I’d made reality TV history by singing my own song, It’s Chico Time, live on air during the finals and I had achieved all I needed to achieve. I was ready." A few months later, Chico unleashed his first solo single and it stormed straight to the top of the charts.
Unfortunately, fame was not without cost for Richard. Rubbing shoulders with the stars, he became exposed to the ravages of alcohol and questionable ladies. Often he could be seen hanging out of the back of a fatty in the Shack, slightly dishevelled, clearly intoxicated and with the patented Chico smile a long and distant memory. This put an end to his singing career, and unfortunately he had to fall back on a career in the Oil Industry.
Chico however made a comeback last year in both Legends day and in the pre season tour, but unfortunately has lost the pace that used to frighten defenders the country over. Without his pace, Chico is now sadly as ineffective as Scott Birse.

PICTURE WILL APPEAR SOON

Andy Bennett
Nicknames – Ally Barnett

Andy was a speedy left back of Afro Carribean descent, with a great touch and an eye for goal. Andy played for the University 1^st team for his entire University career, scoring over 200 goals in the process. When not playing football, Andy also played the trombone in an brass band and performed stand up regularly at "The Stand" comedy club.
Andy was fantastically successful with the ladies, and it was this jealousy that caused the infamous "Rumble in the Jungle" in the Shack against the Caley boys, backed up by his heavy mob of Ross Montieth, Jacko and Raezor. The Caley manager ended up getting his tooth knocked out, that’s what happens when you mess with Andy.
Andy has an adonis like body that eventually snared him a good woman, trips of a lifetime to Canada followed and he now lives undercover in Glasgow as a superhero vigilante civil engineer.

SUFC Legend Ben Gordon was recently featured in an article in The Sun Newspaper after his summer move to Dumbarton. The article is featured below.

By Gareth Law

It all adds up for Ben

MATHS boffin Ben Gordon hadn’t figured out his future during the summer.

But when he was offered a deal by Dumbarton he knew it added up. The defender left St Mirren four years ago after falling out of love with the game. But he found his appetite again after playing for Strathclyde Uni as he worked his way towards a 2.2 in maths and stats. Gordon, 23, said: “It was a great summer for me. I got my degree and thought I would spend the next few months applying for jobs. “I didn’t expect anything to happen with the football, but the chance came up and I’m delighted. “The move to Dumbarton came out of the blue. I got a call from the gaffer, went on trial and the rest is history. It’s gone so well.” Gordon wasn’t sorry to leave the Buddies, though, as he’d always planned on going to uni anyway. He said: “I wasn’t enjoying my football with St Mirren, so I just left. I was 18 and I was happy to leave. “I wasn’t playing my best because I felt that way. “But I’d always wanted to go to uni. I was always good at maths and hopefully I can get a decent job out of it now. I’m looking to get into something to do with finance, but there are quite a few options. “We had a good uni team with a few players who could play at a higher level. “I really enjoyed the last four years there and it helps when you enjoy your football. “But it’s a step up to come in and play week-in, week-out in the Third Division.”Today’s opponents Montrose are on the same points as Sons and Gordon admitted: “It’s going to be a tough match. “We played them in the first league game of the season at our place and we drew 1-1. “Hopefully we can do a bit better and pick up the win this time.”

Dumbarton went on to win the game 2 1.

A tribute to Legend No.3

A short biography of Kieron Fitzpatrick, once again by Anon

Name – Kieran Fitzpatrick

Nicknames – HiHo, Bald midget, Grumpy, Yellow Bastard.

Kieran Fitzpatrick was truly a jack of all trades, master of none in a long and undistinguished university football career. Kieran came into the game of Football late, having been brought up in the wilderness by Papa Smurf and the Yellow Bald Bastard from Sin City. Despite suffering from an acute case of small man syndrome, Kieran was a second team stalwart and as his hair receded his prowess with the ladies and with a football grew. However, Kieran was always playing catch up and loved to try and romance ladies other boys had successfully sniffed about.

Kieran was continually overlooked by the management at the club, but then again this was nothing new as the wee man sometimes got lost in the long grass at Stepps, in scenes reminiscent of the famous scenes of ET scurrying about in the undergrowth. Despite his disabilities, Kieran was a key member of the glamour boys that will long be remembered with fondness by the female population of Glasgow, carving out a particular niche with the generously proportioned ladies with his sometime partner in crime Mr Bruce.

These days Kieran has found his Snow White in London, and is currently perfecting the “Mascherano” role for Englefield Green Rovers. He is still a horrible little man, as any legend will testfy.

A tribute to Legend No.2

A short biography of Scott Rae, once again by Anon

Scott Rae

Nicknames - Raezor, the Zor, Syph, Ah Mista Lay

SUFC 2001-2006

Another man who etched himself into Clyde folklore by hanging on the coat tales of other Legends. Raezor (a nickname he made up himself) would like to be known as a cultured centre-half, whereas in reality he was a hump and chase centre half. Raezor once famously headed a ball the full length of a pitch, FACT! He was also famous for his signature move, the PIROUETTE. Strikers in the Glasgow leagues used to rub there hands when they saw Raezor line this move up and it cost the Uni a number of goals over the years.

Since moving on from SUFC he plies his trade down south playing ‘semi-pro football’ for a team that you actually have to pay to play for. He recently was describing how disheartened he was in not getting as much game time as he would like, one week due to injuries to both of the first choice centre backs the manager of Raezor’s team pulled the left and right back in to the middle to cover the positions. Raezor was quoted in saying, ‘I couldn’t believe it, it was harder for him to find a way not to play me’. This sort of tactic will be familiar to any of the Uni managers who have had Raezor at there disposal and correctly chose not to use him.

Scott, unfortunately received the worst nickname ever given to a Clyde Legend, whilst being sports president he contracted an unspecified skin disorder. There has never been a better use of the phrase, "best left there" in all eternity.

Recently Raezor showed his prowess with the women by adding himself to an internet dating website. This can be viewed by clicking the link below and contact details for ‘The Zor’ can be handed out on request as he really does need a helping hand when it comes to finding the future Mrs Zor.

Link to Raezors Profile

A Tribute to Legend No. 1

A short biography of Matt Bruce by Anon

Name – Matthew Ronald Bruce

Nicknames – Mattman, Cueball, Brucester, Megababy, Dadzilla, Leuky Down, Raging Potato.

SUFC 2001 – 2006

A man that defines the term “SUFC legend”, in his day Matthew was one of the dirtiest centre midfielders ever to grace the hallowed Stepps surface. Now his pace has declined almost as quickly as his hairline he is no more than a bald lager loving sideshow who currently drags his sorry obese body around the Aberdeen amateur leagues.

Matthew unintentionally founded “Team Celibate” on a trip to Salou, lost a boat (“What Boat?”) and got off with a tranny. He was also thrown out of a club before he went in (the clocks went back), got the club into severe financial difficulty in his otherwise successful year as Club Captain, and was elected Sports President where he served for a year in 2005.

Matthew also created the upside down smile, and his boyish good megachild looks are now identically replicated in his wee boy now that the megababy has become a father.